There’s a fairly big overlap between the gym world and the gay world, with all the homo-erotic subtexts you could ask for. So sometimes it can be hard to tell when it’s a gay thing or a gym thing. Don’t worry, we’re here to help.
1. Standing over another guy with your penis inches from his face
(Otherwise known as “asking for a spot”)
The gym is one of the few places where it is totally acceptable for a straight man to stand over you with his penis mere inches from your face, and it not be considered a sexual act.
So don’t think that the muscley bro with the backwards cap is hitting on you just because he’s happy to lord over you and press his crotch to your nose. He’s just spotting you and making sure you don’t get crushed underneath a weight you can’t manage.
GYM: A guy asks you to spot him so you stand behind the rack with your penis just inches away from his face.
GAY: A guy says he’ll spot you and sits on top of you, his penis actually resting on your face.
2. Public nudity
The gym is a naked place. More often than not, you’ll find at least one guy walking around without a stitch of clothing or a care in the world. Which is to be expected in a public space with changing rooms, showers, saunas, and steam rooms.
While it is every gay man’s right and privilege to oogle every naked body he encounters, remember that it’s not cool to be a creep. Staring slack-jawed at the beefcake blow-drying his balls (insert slow-mo mental image here) is a quick way to earn yourself a reputation as a perv and you’ll quickly lose any and all of the comradery you’ve built with your fellow male gym-goers.
So be subtle about it. I mean, what are you gonna do, not look? That’s just stupid.
GYM: Walking around naked in the changing rooms
GAY: Walking around naked in the rest of the gym
3. Revealing gym gear
Even if you don’t get the chance to grab a sneak peek at the boys in the changing room, there will inevitably be some skin tight and/or revealing clothing on the gym floor. Which we not only encourage you to enjoy but also take part in yourself.
If you went to work with your nipples popping out of your top you’d get judged. Not here. Not in the gym. (Gym challenge: Take a gym-selfie, tag us on Instagram and we’ll repost said nip-slip @gayfitnessuk).
However, there is – as always – a limit to what’s acceptable to have popping out of your workout gear. Nipple slipping out of your vest = fantastic. Penis peeking out of your shorts = barred for indecent exposure.
GYM: Nipple slipping out of their vest
GAY: Penis peaking out of your shorts
4. Sex Noises
I have done hours of very detailed, very unscientific research that confirms that the sounds you make (and the faces you pull) in the gym are the same as those you make in bed. So your “last rep face” is probably the same as your “orgasm face”.
And if you’re a loud lover, you’re probably a loud lifter.
We all grunt, moan, and exhale a slightly slutty sound every once in a while, and it’s fine. It is an absolutely acceptable sign that you’re working your hardest as you struggle to finish that last rep.
What’s NOT acceptable is if you’re grunting and moaning for every single movement you make. If you sound like you’re cumming with every single sit-up, then we’re inclined to believe you’re doing it entirely for attention.
GYM: Sex noises in the gym when you’re working out hard
GAY: Making sex noises in the changing rooms… because you’re having sex
5. Wearing leggings
The luscious loveliness of lycra has made a dramatic return to the gym and to our hearts, with gays and heteros alike slipping on their skin-tight suits before they squat. And though the more serious-faced gymmers will refer to them as “compression shorts” (which we recently revealed are the best type of underwear to wear in the gym), they’re basically boring leggings.
GYM: Lycra leggings in the gym
GAY: Lycra leggings anywhere else
6. Posing in front of the mirror / taking selfies
You can call them “progress pics” all you want, at the end of the day the gym bros are no better than a group of gays making duckface poses in a sweaty mirror in G-A-Y.
GYM: Flashing their abs and taking 80 photos to get the right angle.
GAY: Flashing their penis and taking 80 photos to get the right girth.
Too gay for the gym?
Of course, this is all stereotypical jokes made at our own expense, and I’m sure none of you has ever done anything on this list… BUT if you have, or something
better similar, you’ve got to let us know! 🙂
Sharing is caring
If you found this article even slightly interesting, informative, funny, or ridiculous, then please give us a like, share, tweet, tumble, stumble, flip, or follow.
And you can also receive weekly workouts for free by subscribing to our newsletter. Happy gaying!